Holiday Office Party 2007!

Metro Metro Holiday Office Party 2007
Monday, December 17
Bar Nine

2007 Holiday Office Party
Ryan "Xmas Intern"

Q: What’s the big idea?
A: Many corporations throw annual winter holiday shindigs at bars and restaurants, allowing their employees to behave uncharacteristically, dance foolishly with people they would otherwise never dance with, enter raffles, and demonstrate the most singular features of their personalities. Metro Metro would like to partake in the ritual of holiday office parties. We consider all of you to be our loyal and loved employees. With the small difference that we tend to make you pay us rather than us pay you.

Q: I’m still not sure I get it. What would I be getting myself into at this party?
A: As much or as little as you like. You can just come to hang out and take advantage of drink specials. You can enter the raffle to win nice prizes. You can eat food. You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. Or you can bring them with you. And you can participate in the game for additional prizes.

Q: That’s what I’ve been trying to ask. What’s the deal with the Game?
A: All right, all right already. Here’s how it works:
You show up and pay $5, which gets you into the party. Drink specials will be known soon, once we’ve finished with our ace negotiating skills. Skills we’ve picked up by being a business. A business that has holiday office parties.

And then on top of that, you get a nametag.

You write your name on the nametag. Also on the nametag is a theoretical position in the Metro Metro company. It might even include a personality trait. All of these positions are based on real events, inspired by a true story. So you might end up having a nametag that says:

if your name happens to be Kathy. Now, what you do with that is up to you. You can do nothing. Or you can live it up as that office character to the furthest your heart or booze-addled liver may desire. We will provide a lot of these job positions. People will vote on who is best exemplifying the job description on their nametag. That person will win a prize. If you aren’t interested in the prize or in acting out the position, then just wear the nametag and enjoy the bar night. It’s that easy.

Q: What if I want to show up with a job title I’ve created for myself, and the appropriate attire to go with it?
A: That’s totally cool. It’s great, actually. Just keep it on the clean side (for instance, no “I’m the guy at the office who doesn’t wear pants and likes to give back massages”). So if you wanted to, you could show up and tell us that you want to be Office Matador. Your nametag might then read:

if you were somehow named Murgatroid. And then you could come dressed as a matador. An office matador. So you see, this is an excellent opportunity to trot out your Halloween costume again. Especially if you masqueraded as an office matador.

Q: What is the appropriate attire if I elect not to arrive dressed as an office matador?
A: Easy. Come dressed as a typing pool picador or mailroom banderillero. But only if that’s your intended job. Otherwise, please wear whatever you would be comfortable in at a holiday office party. We want you to have a good time.

Q: Wow, this game sounds like it could be a lot of fun and allow me to get out years of repressed office party emotions that have been compressed into a tight little ball that lives just behind my sternum and makes me sometimes wake up at four in the morning, short of breath and sweaty about the armpits.
A: That’s not actually a question. But, yes.

Q: I’ve been meaning to tell off this jerk in my office for years now. Will I be able to do that?
A: Sure thing. That’s the beauty of an office party of this type. Pick someone and let ‘em have it. You don’t even have to know the dude. No physical violence, please.

Q: Wait, I’ve forgotten where the bar is. Where is it again?
A: The bar is called Bar Nine, and it’s at 807 Ninth Ave, between 53rd and 54th, on the west side of the avenue. We start at 6:30 PM. There may be a band going on around 10pm, so you might want to show before then. Prizes will likely happen before 10.

Q: Why Monday?
A: Because it rhymes with “Fun Day.” And because it’s easier to find a bar and not compete with other “real” office parties on a Monday. And because we are giving ALL of you Tuesday off from work! How great is that?

Q: What’s up with the raffle?
A: The raffle is something separate. You get one ticket for one dollar. If you pay ten dollars, you get twelve tickets. And you can win some prizes that perfect the blend of whimsy, practicality, and all-out rockin’ awesomeness.

Q: I really just want to win a key to the executive bathroom. How do I do that?
A: Keys may be distributed to people playing the game well, or as part of a raffle prize. In the meantime, you may use the bathroom at Bar Nine, which is downstairs.

Q: Can we get you guys some kind of gift?
A: Oh please, that’s completely unnecessary. Anything is fine, really.

Q: I distinctly remember you guys saying your next event was going to be some kind of Science Fair. What happened?
A: No more questions.