Dear Metro Metro Colleagues,

It seems like every year around this time the holidays are upon us. And this year is extra special, as we have become an official company, and we've got the new office. So, take a break from all your hard work, and join us at the Metro Metro Holiday Office Party.

We in upper management have kept our eye on you this year, and we feel you deserve a well-deserved break, which you deserve. We like the cut of your jib, and let's just say a lucky employee or two might find themselves the recipient of a key to the executive washroom. But regardless of any promotions or downsizing, dab some salve on those grindstoned noses, wipe off that elbow grease, and put on funtime lampshade hats with all these Metro Metro coworkers you might never even known that you have. Come share awkward conversation with Sheryl from Admin/Finance, dance inappropriately with Conrad from Direct Marketing, and gossip about Chris from Storage & Retrieval.

Entry will be $5, and that will get you a nametag with the job title and description of your choosing. Everyone will vote on who performs their job the best, and winner gets a prize.

There will also be a Christmas Bonus raffle that you simply won't want to miss.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Dress code: office holiday attire

$5, and the raffle

*Please bring with you an appropriate Xerox of yourself for the occasion

RSVP to mml@metrometroland.com

Winners!
Employee of the Year: Jav "Bike Messenger"
20-Year Service Award: Owen "Eager New Guy"

FAQs

Q: What’s the big idea?
A: Many corporations throw annual winter holiday shindigs at bars and restaurants, allowing their employees to behave uncharacteristically, dance foolishly with people they would otherwise never dance with, enter raffles, and demonstrate the most singular features of their personalities. Metro Metro is now officially Metro Metro LLC. As such, we would like to partake in the ritual of holiday office parties. While it is true that our staff is pretty much Bo, Brady, and Will, with occasional freelance work from Tim and Matt, and volunteer help from Cindy, Jake, another Matt, and sometimes Mike or one of Cindy’s sisters, in a way we consider all of you to be our loyal and loved employees. With the small difference that we tend to make you pay us rather than pay you.

Q: I’m still not sure I get it. What would I be getting myself into at this party?
A: As much or as little as you like. You can just come to hang out and take advantage of drink specials. You can enter the raffle to win nice prizes. You can eat appetizers. You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. Or you can bring them with you. And you can participate in the game for additional prizes.

Q: That’s what I’ve been trying to ask. What’s the deal with the Game?
A: You should have been clearer with your initial question, and we would have answered it earlier. But no matter. Here’s what we are thinking:
You show up and pay $5, and ideally you also turn in a Xerox image of yourself. That money and Xerox gets you into the party, in which the whole froikin’ bar is closed to the public, so it’s just us. Beers are $3, wine and well drinks are $4, and you can order from the appetizer menu at your own expense. There will apparently be a DJ. And then on top of that, you get a nametag.
You write your name on the nametag. Also on the nametag is a theoretical position in the Metro Metro company. It might even include a personality trait. All of these positions are based on real events, inspired by a true story. So you might end up having a nametag that says:

if your name happens to be Kathy. Now, what you do with that is up to you. You can do nothing. Or you can live it up as that office character to the furthest your heart or booze-addled liver may desire. We will provide a lot of these job positions. There will be a ballot that is still in development in our R&D lab, and people will vote on who is best exemplifying the job description on their nametag. That person will win a prize. If you aren’t interested in the prize or in acting out the position, then just wear the nametag and enjoy the bar night. It’s that easy.

Q: What if I want to show up with a job title I’ve created for myself, and the appropriate attire to go with it?
A: That’s totally cool. It’s great, actually. Just keep it on the clean side (for instance, no “I’m the guy at the office who doesn’t wear pants and likes to give back massages”). So if you wanted to, you could show up and tell us that you want to be Office Matador. Your nametag might then read:

if you were somehow named Murgatroid. And then you could come dressed as a matador. An office matador. So you see, this is an excellent opportunity to trot out your Halloween costume again. Especially if you masqueraded as an office matador.

Q: What is the appropriate attire if I elect not to arrive dressed as an office matador?
A: Easy. Come dressed as a typing pool picador or mailroom banderillero. But only if that’s your intended job. Otherwise, please wear whatever you would be comfortable in at a holiday office party. We want you to have a good time.

Q: Wow, this game sounds like it could be a lot of fun and allow me to get out years of repressed office party emotions that have been compressed into a tight little ball. What happens in the event of a tie in the game?
A: Some sort of runoff, probably. Could be a quick quiz on Metro Metro corporate history, or a challenge to create some sort of spreadsheet, or some totally biased ruling from the executives. The boys in the lab will come up with something.

Q: I’ve been meaning to tell off this jerk in my office for years now. Will I be able to do that?
A: Sure thing. That’s the beauty of an office party of this type. Pick someone and let ‘em have it. No physical violence, please.

Q: Wait, I’ve forgotten where the bar is. Where is it again?
A: The bar is called Still, and it’s at 190 Third Ave, just north of 17th Street, on the west side of the avenue. We start at 7:00 PM. We ask that you arrive prior to 9:30.

Q: What’s up with the raffle?
A: The raffle is something separate. You get one ticket for one dollar. If you pay ten dollars, you get twelve tickets. And you can win an IPod Shuffle, as well as other prizes. In the end, we hope that Metro Metro will have an “operating budget” so that we no longer have to resort to stealing.

Q: I really just want to win a key to the executive bathroom. How do I do that?
A: Keys may be distributed to people playing the game well, or as part of a raffle prize. In the meantime, you may use the bathroom at Still, which is downstairs next to the dj booth.

Q: Can we get you guys some kind of gift?
A: Oh please, that’s completely unnecessary. Anything is fine, really.

Q: I distinctly remember you guys saying your next event was going to be some kind of summer Trivia Night. What happened?
A: No more questions.

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